Encouraging kindness when it counts

Audette and I spent a moment in the car together yesterday, having a discussion about her choices. To be honest, most of the time our chats about “her choices” are usually geared towards how we can work on them. Poor oldest child with an intense mom. But as Benetton slept in the car, I took those few quiet moments we had together to tell her how proud I was of her.

During church, Benetton stayed out of her class because she is recovering from a little cold. As we were wandering the halls, we ran into Audette’s class. They were on a full-blown scavenger hunt throughout the church. Benetton followed at a distance with me, but as soon as Audette noticed her little sister, she ran to her and grabbed her hand, inviting her to join. Despite the fact that Audette is still a four-year-old, and became a little distracted by her sister, forgetting to fully listening to the teacher or the lesson, I watched the two girls hand-in-hand with silent admiration. Audette made sure Benetton found her place in the scavenger hunt line, met all of the other kids and got her own cookie prize at the end. This sweet, unprompted kindness between siblings is so heartwarming and makes my mother heart burst.

Later that day, as we were walking down the sidewalk, Audette noticed a little girl in a wheelchair, probably 7 or 8 years old. She stopped and asked me from a distance why she wasn’t walking. I quickly explained that every child is born different and some can’t walk. That’s why they use special chairs to get around just like we do. I asked Audette if she wanted to say hello and she quickly responded, “I’ll probably see if she wants to share my banana with me.”

We walked up to the girl, her little brother and her dad. Audette’s typically outgoing personality became a little guarded as she realized that this little girl was not acting like most kids she has played with. We said hello and the little girls’ response was not a typical hello, but you could tell she was happy and excited by her movement and her eyes. Her younger brother piped right in to introduce himself, as well as the two monster trucks he was holding. The girls’ name was embroidered on her chair, so I read it to Audette and my girls started talking to the new family. “Do you want a bite of my banana?” was, naturally, Audette’s first question. The conversation continued, as the kids compared how both our families were wearing matching clothing and they began racing the monster trucks on the sidewalk bench.

Back to the car ride conversation. So many times I let the sweet moments go unnoticed and I wanted to make sure Audette knew that I recognized how kind she was, both to her sister and the girl in the wheelchair. Not only did I notice, but I was inspired that her kindness didn’t know the bounds of family or ability. She told me she had been nervous to talk to the girl in the wheelchair at first, but I assured her that it was okay to feel that way, what was important was that she was kind. And now she would know that all children can be different AND just like her, all she needs to do is say hello and be kind to make a new friend.

Our family has been praying for and talking about the victims of the tragedy in Orlando quite a bit. We’ve been discussing ways we can teach our children how to help and support people who experience such an unnecessary hardship, and how to help them avoid tragedy in the first place. I know most of the country has been celebrating pride month with even more sentiment based on the loss of life. It is beautiful when people band together to show love. But deep down, I wish that our world didn’t even require designated months for different groups of people. I wish that we all felt, like Audette, that it doesn’t matter who someone is, their relation to us or how they live their life, but that everyone deserves to be treated with love and kindness. All year long, I hope that we can celebrate being kind and showing more love, not just this month or any other. And that as mothers, fathers and parents, I pray that we take those special moments, that I so often miss, to help our children recognize that being kind already comes so natural to them. Let's help our next generation be the one that doesn't worry about what is different in each of us, but what is the same.

Because in the end, of course I would be thrilled for my children if they become doctors, teachers, lawyers, dancers, pop stars, counselors, mothers, but all of that won’t matter to me in the slightest if they aren’t kind.

Let's hear it for the dads!

It’s Father’s Day and I am not with my fathers. In fact, because I won’t be able to share exactly how I feel with each of them, I am sharing it with all fathers.

First of all, let’s get rid of the horrible stereotype that media continues to push about dads. They’re not all clueless, lazy or uninvolved. Dads are great. Yes, they’re goofy. Yes, they’re full of “dad jokes.” Yes, they drive us all crazy sometimes, but they have one of the most important jobs in the world. I have been so blessed to have so many stalwart men in my life who prove the “sitcom dad” stereotype wrong every day. I’m pro dad! Let’s give dads more credit.

My husband inspired my thoughts, when we were on a date last night. I took him out, alone, to celebrate Father’s Day. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, since the point of the holiday is to celebrate the fact that he has kids, but I wanted him to recognize how grateful I am that he is the father in our family. A couple nights ago, he spent several hours watching video clips and reading about some exemplar fathers in our life. He quoted one of the men during our date, as we talked about our family, “I may not be good at a lot of things in life, but I am good at a few things, and one of those things is being a dad.” The simple statement stuck with Eric and brought on some sweet sentiments during our dinner together. I am so grateful for the simple confidence Eric has in himself, his role as a father and the love he has for his children.

Beyond that, Eric has found a way to take his role of father to the next level these past couple months, as he has been sensitive to us losing another pregnancy. I expressed in my last blog post that it can be very difficult for men to understand miscarriages, yet he has found a way to be patient with the changes I am experiencing and to be sensitive to the needs of our family as we grieve and move forward. Eric and I find every way possible to add more change, adventure and stress to our life, and it isn’t always easy on us. But somehow, we manage to cling to each other more and more, as we work through every challenge. Eric thanked me tonight for letting him be the father of my children. Eric, you are the only man for me and the only man for the job.

I don’t know if someone thought I needed a little extra help in this life, but I was given two dads. Not everyone is quite so lucky. My first dad, Fred, spent a couple of short years as a father in this life. He had me, his oldest daughter, and was anxiously awaiting another daughter, when his life tragically ended. My memories of him are simple and sweet, most of them comprised of stories told to me as a child. Recently though, his life and his love for me has become a bigger part of my life.

I can only imagine that God has helped urge the people who knew Fred to reach out to me and share some of his love. From phone calls, to letters and photographs, to sweet meetings with his friends and family, I have felt him watching over me. And it always seems to be that those moments I learn more about him is when I need it most. I strongly believe that even when death separates children from their loved ones, or parents from their children, those people are not gone forever. I can feel Fred’s love. I know life didn’t allow him to do all he planned as my father here on earth, but he will always be my father and will always be caring for me.

Then there is Bob, my dad. It’s hard to find words to describe a man who chooses to father children who are not his own. But for my dad, we have been anything but. This may seem like a strange way to recognize his love, but I think the first time I understood how much he cared was the first time he was disappointed in me.

Bob was engaged to my mother, and he had given me my own ring, as well. I was only three, but the tiny pearl ring was such a sweet token of his love. Unfortunately, my age and the ring didn’t mix well. He found me one morning, sitting in his room, chewing on the ring. The soft gold was now a squished mess. I still remember his disappointed face, but his loving reprove.

More than twenty years later, my dad gave his first granddaughter a similar, sweet gift, a hand strung pearl necklace. It was her third birthday. And as if time was reminding all of us of his patient love, my daughter broke the necklace when she gave it a quick tug, the first time she wore it. I recognized the loving reprove and the patient laugh as we all picked up the pearls from our hallway floor.

I can not imagine anyone else teaching me how to change a tire, waking me up every day for school, walking me down the aisle on my wedding day and welcoming my two little girls into the world on the day of their births. I will never be able to adequately express my gratitude for the father he is to me.

So, I wish a happy Father’s Day to the men in my life, and the men in yours. Happy Father’s Day to the dads who are pushing the stereotypes and creating a new generation of dad; one who gives more, sacrifices more and loves more. And I wish to all those who are missing their fathers or children or brothers or husbands this Father’s Day, a sweet reminder of their love, because they are always watching.

Remembering Mothers

Photos from our last day of ballet class in Seattle
and those early weeks of pregnancy, when everything seems so hopeful.

It's Mother's Day and I can't help but write down a few of the many emotions I have been feeling over the past two weeks.

I was quietly getting ready in my room Saturday morning when Audette came in and knelt down beside me. She gave me a hug and said, "Mom, how are you feeling? Are you done bleeding? I want to make sure you are getting better."

Two weeks ago, my family relocated to a new state. Less than 24 hours later, I realized I was losing my unborn child.

This is not the first time I have lost a pregnancy, and it may not be the last. But it still hit me like a ton of bricks. And even two weeks later, those bricks are still crushing me. Sometimes the weight of my emotions makes it hard for me to breath.

My first miscarriage came early in my marriage. It was our first child. In my innocence and naivety, I decided to hide all signs of pregnancy in order to surprise our families at Christmas. Then, the day before our big reveal, I started cramping and bleeding in Costco. I didn't know what was happening, I didn't want to give away the surprise. I was hundreds of miles away from my doctor and, because it was the holidays, only a few on-call nurses would answer the phones and tell me a little spotting is normal and to go to the ER, if I thought I needed it. I remember clearly where I was hiding in Costco to make phone calls, crying, confused and feeling very alone.

The next day, when my pain and confusion was too much for me to handle alone, I revealed our "possible pregnancy" to my family in a flurry of tears and personalized t-shirts. It was a mess. I was a mess.

It was more than four days later, a plane ride home, a sad Christmas Day and pushing through a couple of holiday work schedules, before my doctor could see me. It was a miracle that my ectopic pregnancy didn't burst my Fallopian tube.

But that wasn't the hardest part. It was the months and years that followed those difficult moments that Christmas. My body suffered, my mind, my heart. To grow a baby, then to stop growing a baby, is no small feat for a woman. It isn't just the loss of the child that haunts you, but the change in your hormones, the postpartum, the lingering reminder of your loss as you bleed, the newly gained weight without the prize to show for it. And then there is the mental preparation you had been doing for weeks, months, years, as you dreamed of the child in your arms, the house you would buy to raise them in, the way they would fit into your family. Life just stops. Life literally stops for that baby and for that woman who was growing the child inside her.

At least that is how it felt then, and how it feels for me now. Life has stopped inside me. Yes, I am still aggressively searching for a place for my family to call home. Yes, I am still waking up every morning with an energy to go strawberry picking, museum exploring and park hopping for my girls. Yes, I am breathing in and out and taking step after step to move forward, but it is not without great pain.

I don't write this to wallow in my loss or to diminish the even greater pain and loss that so many of my friends and family have been feeling these past couple months, but I write this instead to allow myself to grieve. And hopefully help others recognize that it is okay to feel pain and loss and let it hurt.

I have been inspired by so many friends recently who have lost children, pregnancies, mothers, siblings, and have created a way to share their loss in such a beautiful way. I am in awe of the powerful way their words have made me feel; heartbroken at my core, then lifted up with renewed hope for them and for myself.

"Mom, how are you feeling? Are you done bleeding? I want to make sure you are getting better."

Those sweet, simple questions from my four-year-old lifted me up today. And are the questions I hope every mother hears when she loses an unborn child. I hope every woman suffering or who has suffered the same loss finds empathy in the people around her. It isn't easy for others to understand. It is hard to understand something you can't see. But for some reason, it isn't so hard for children.

When I told Audette I thought I was almost done bleeding, her sweet face lit up and she hugged me so tight.

"I am so glad you are getting better, Mom. I know Heavenly Father is watching you and watching the baby. And now you are going to be able to have another baby come."

She is my hope. My girls are my hope.

Exactly five years ago today, in the exact same place, I found out I was pregnant again. It was the night before Mother's Day and we had just attended a friend's wedding in the Bay Area. A simple pregnancy test at a hotel revealed that my sweet Audette was on her way.

Remembering her hopeful and perfectly timed start to life, gives me renewed hope this Mother's Day. First, hope that God is good, merciful and loving. He finds a way to bring light into your life during your darkest moments. Second, that Christ will comfort you. In the way you feel His arms seem to hold you as you sob yourself to sleep, or in the way the disheveled man covered in tattoos smiles at you as you cross the street, then stops to point out his tattoo of Jesus' face and shouts, "Jesus loves you!" Third, hope that we can find comfort in the good people around us who have suffered and lost and been blessed, because their love is what propels us through this life.

To the all women who have loved, lost and are still waiting, Happy Mother's Day. You are not alone. In the sweet words of Audette, "Heavenly Father is watching you and watching your babies."

Fitting fitness into your insane schedule

Moms do it all, but finding time in a busy schedule for you can be tough. I caught up with a couple local moms who are finding time for much needed fitness, and making it work for their schedules.

Check out Q13Fox.com to see the whole story and the video interviews!

Mandy Levenberg is running two businesses from her home, walking her kids to school, and still making it to a group fitness class at Strength Studio. She admits her schedule seems impossible, even for herself.

She says especially, “when my kids were infants, when I was nursing or when I was in a full-time position where my butt had to be in my seat every day and I didn’t have an option to sneak out.”

That’s why Levenberg loves the latest fitness craze, FitMob and ClassPass. The companies are in the middle of a merger, but both provide a membership to nearly every gym in Seattle. They provide people with flexibility and options.

Levenberg said, “I’ve never done spinning until recently and I’m gonna try a barre class. And then also just being able to check the night before and see what’s available and schedule on a last minute based on my work schedule and my kids schedule, is really making the whole process faster in terms of getting at the exercise instead of planning for it.”

Other local moms are hitting the pavement with their strollers and pumping up their biceps while they pump up the nursery rhymes. Chelsea Startup says Stroller Strides, by Fit4Moms gives her a chance to workout with her babe in tow, and join a community of new moms.

She says, “Even on those days where you’re exhausted, you see other moms and they’re going through the same thing… You’re in good company here. You have someone to share the great times with and the really tough times.”

Should a mom feel guilty about getting that time in? Both moms say, “no way!”

Levenberg says, “I always tell my kids that it’s like me having a playdate. I need to go do that too... I remind them that they’re going to go and do their activities and this is my chance to go and have her fun and get her ya-yas out.”

Levenberg adds that it’s more than just checking off another box on the never-ending to do list.

“You feel like you got exercise in, you feel like you’ve got the rest of the day for giving, whether it’s your job or your kids or your neighbors. You just feel like a better person.”

Local expert and Strength Studio owner Susan Slater-Cotter recommends making exercise the first thing you do in the morning.

"Get up early, get it done. Whether you're leaving the house early or going to the gym to take an early morning class or you get up and you're watching a video at home, get it done early. That way, the rest of the day, you've fueled yourself with that energy, you're going to have more energy throughout the day. "

Strength Studio is a group fitness and personal training gym in Portage Bay. Fit4Moms Stroller Strides has local franchises throughout the state and is offering free classes all week for new members, in honor of Mother’s Day.

We asked viewers on the Q13 Facebook page to submit their own ideas about fitting workouts in. Here is a complete list of their ideas. Check it out to find a location or group working out near you.

• Fit4Mom (local franchises): Stroller Strides, BodyBack, Stroller Barre, Fit4Baby, Running Club

• In Home Workout Programs: Beachbody, 21 Day Fix, p90x, Les Mills Pump, WiiU Fit, Bodyrocktv.com, PiYo, Pump, T25, Wraps, Jillian Michaels, Bikini Body Mommy, The Firm, Jackie Warner, Pop Pilates

• Local group fitness: Emily’s Extreme Water Aerobics, Christina Barnard’s Custom Training Solutions, Baby Boot Camp, Happy Hour by Marisa, Indo Yoga Board, Urban Boot Camp, Starting Team

• Gyms: YMCA, Fitness 19, Mommy’s Fit Zone, Whidbey Island Time Fitness, 24 Hour Fitness, Fuelhouse, Cappy’s Boxing Gym, Limitless Fitness, Anytime Fitness, MI Athletic Club, Curves, Strength Studio, Community Fitness, Sync Fitness, Kokofit Club, The Fitness Lab, Running Evolution, The Fuel Plan, The Sweat Shop, The Valley Athletic Club, 20 Minute Fitness at Pacific Wellness, Milton Activity Center

• Crossfit: Composite Crossfit, Lake Washington Crossfit

• In Home Tips: multi-task, workout during lunch hour, workout before family wakes up, workout after work, walk stairs

Are you a helicopter mom? Or a free-range parent?

Starting today, I am going to be working on some parent-focused content for the station I work with, Q13 Fox News in Seattle. Although we are talking to Seattle families, the ideas and messages ring true to families across the country (and around the world). Today we aired a story about a family who some would describe as "free-range" parents. Take a look at the coverage and the expert who came on to answer questions. I would love to hear what you think!

Are you a helicopter mom? Or would you consider yourself a “free-range parent”?

The concept of free-range parenting is making headlines after a family in Maryland let their 6 and 10-year-old kids go to the park alone. A “concerned citizen” called the police, getting CPS involved and separating kids from their parents for hours.

In Maryland you can leave your child home alone at 8-years-old. In the state of Washington, there’s no law about children being left alone. The only guideline from DSHS is that they shouldn’t be younger than 10.

Scott Sciuchetti, from Covington, Washington, says he doesn’t love the label, but he says he’s been a free-range parent for years.

“It sounds like chickens, but more on the free-range side. I figure you need to give the kids responsibility when they’ve earned it. It’s part of parenting to teach them to be responsible adults.”

His oldest daughter, Gabi Sciuchetti, says this freedom is what encouraged her to start college at 13-years-old. Now she is a 15-year-old Sophomore at the University of Washington.

“I don’t think I would have been able to achieve anything, like I have, without very much freedom.”

Freedom for Gabi started at a young age. She was allowed to go the store, the park and the playground without her parents. Often with her little brother in tow.

When she was thirteen she began riding the light rail, train and bus alone, commuting up to an hour and a half by herself.

Her dad, Scott, says if he had been a helicopter parent, she wouldn’t have been so successful.

“Getting her and my son to learn what the world’s really like, how to make good decisions, and if I’m there hovering over them all the time, then they won’t figure things out for themselves.”

Critics say kids are snatched up, raped or hurt by strangers every day, which is why someone might call the cops on a child or a teen who is alone.

Scott says, “You might get struck down by lightening tomorrow, come down with some sort of disease, whatever, there’s those sorts of risks everywhere.”

Gabi admits that independence can be scary at times and she has run into trouble on her commutes.

“There have been lots of scenarios where people have tried to talk to me on the train, or talk to me on the bus, that I’m not completely comfortable with.”

But she says her parents have prepared her for the unexpected.

“Part of the really great things about the way my parents raised me is that I’m self-sufficient enough to say, ‘okay, I’m uncomfortable, here’s a way I can deal with this’ or ‘I can go talk to the bus driver.’ Or move away. Or switch buses.”

But she does agree, she isn’t ready for anything.

“Well I don’t know that my parents would agree with that, and I don’t know if I would agree with that universally to any situation, but I think in most situations, I have a way that I could get help if I needed to.”

Tracy Cutchlow, a parent and local Seattleite, answered viewers’ free-range parenting questions on Q13 Fox This Morning (5/1). She wrote an article for the Washington Post, “Would you call 911 on another parent?”. Her approach brings family and community to the forefront of how to handle a situation where you, as a parent, might feel uncomfortable, and how to help. Check out the Q13 Fox Facebook page to see the questions she answered after her live segment.

For more parenting advice, follow Tracy on twitter and read more about her book, Zero to Five.

A Mom's Take On Mormons and LGBT

In light of the LDS Press Conference on protecting religious freedoms, I decided to share an "essay" I started writing a couple of months ago. Today the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints said,

• "We claim for everyone the God-given and Constitutional right to live their faith according to the dictates of their own conscience, without harming the health or safety of others.
• We acknowledge that the same freedom of conscience must apply to men and women everywhere to follow the religious faith of their choice, or none at all if they so choose.
• We believe laws ought to be framed to achieve a balance in protecting the freedoms of all people while respecting those with differing values.
• We reject persecution and retaliation of any kind, including persecution based on race, ethnicity, religious belief, economic circumstances or differences in gender or sexual orientation.”

I would love to hear your thoughts, rebuttals, comments, opinions of my article. Please feel free to share openly because, like the opinions of most of you, mine is also ever evolving and growing with personal experience and education.

Being a Mother in 2015; trying to navigate religion, politics, culture and my family

I don’t call myself a blogger. I am more of a writer, who dabbles in blogging. I tend to blog when I have free time on my hands or during major life transitions, like when I move. But today a thought came to me, in a very odd place. And it’s one that I want to write down, mostly because it may benefit others. 

For several years I have been trying to understand myself better. Not necessarily find myself. I know who I am, but sometimes that doesn’t always fit into the cookie-cutter categories life gives you.

I have a lot of titles these days: Journalist, Ballet Teacher, Youth Counselor, Mormon, Wife, Friend, Mother. The latter has become increasingly important as I just doubled my crew using the big M word (translation: I have two kids now). Maybe this is why I am coming to some important conclusions about how I want to present myself.

Religion and Culture

Religion and culture always seem to clash.

This concept is an odd one for me, since religion and culture should be one in the same. Maybe they clash because people have religious and cultural differences, and that frightens us.

That said, for the past several years, the Mormon and LGBT communities have been in an interesting place. In fact, when the congregation I attend sent a letter to members who have not been attending for the past couple months, and mentioned that we were inviting a gay Mormon to speak, we made a splash in a couple of media sources. Probably because mixing the words "Gay" and "Mormon" is taboo.

Finding Understanding

That’s where my search for “understanding” comes in. I have been Mormon since birth, well, logistically since I turned eight years old and I decided to be baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am not gay, but I have had gay family, friends, neighbors, co-workers for as long as I can remember. As a child and teen, I never sat around thinking, “I wonder how I should feel about my friend who is gay.” And I never thought they were sitting around thinking, “I wonder how I should feel about my friend who is Mormon.” We just lived, worked, acted, played, danced in sync, like there wasn’t a difference between us.

Then all of a sudden I started worrying, I started wondering about the differences between myself and the people around me. It may have started because the country went up in arms about propositions to legalize all marriages. It may have started because members of my church and my extended family began feeling uncomfortable with the choices other people were making. It may have started because I work in an industry (news) that dramatizes every fight and protest that happens on every corner.

I’m not saying any of these things should or should not have happened. The country will vote, people will protest, and everyone will find differences with those around them, despite how much we try and convince ourselves we are unbiased.

Fielding Tough Questions

With these ideas and thoughts swirling, I started having to explain myself to everyone. Some would ask,

“How are you Mormon, while one of your best friends is recently engaged to her girlfriend?”

“How do you go to work every day and interact openly with people who are legally married to their same-sex spouses?”

“How are you a member of a religion that claims a homosexual lifestyle is a sin?”

“How could you believe that a family raised by parents of the same sex is wrong, when there are millions of families with a mother and father who beat or starve or ignore their children?”

These are heavy questions. Most of them are based on assumptions of how I feel or what I believe. I realized I needed a simple answer to not only share with my friends and family, but to share with my children.

I Choose to Love One Another

I choose to believe that I am a daughter of God. I believe there is a higher plan for me and for my family. I chose to make promises based on these beliefs. One of those promises is that I will have a family with my husband and raise my children with a love of God and a love for one another.

I realize other people haven't made the same choices, the same promises, or the same commitments that I have made. That's okay. That's part of this higher plan, that's one of the most important parts of life. We all have the opportunity to make our own choices. And God would be the first to say He wouldn't want anyone to take that ability to choose away from us. So I choose to live my life a certain way AND I choose to love everyone no matter how they live theirs.

So the next time someone asks me one of those heavy questions, this is how I will respond:

I believe God gave us all the ability to choose. I chose to make commitments to God to have and raise my family in a certain way. Other people haven't. But I can still choose to love everyone, no matter what choice they make. We are all children of God.

A Deacon's remarks

A friend of mine responded to my post Pope resigns. Elect a nun? and I wanted to share it here. I have known him since childhood and recently found out he is a Deacon for the Catholic Church and will be ordained a priest this summer. This is a lengthy response, but he provides a very well constructed defense for women and their role in faith and the history of the Catholic Church.

Enjoy the words of Deacon, soon to be Father Kurt Perera:

"Hi Darien, coming across your post, and being Catholic myself, I found your thoughts and those of this person that wrote the article interesting. While I completely disagree with the premise that is presented, I am delighted that many non-Catholics and others are thinking and discussing about these topics that pertain to the Catholic Church.

The major point I would ask those who share the opinion expressed in the WP article is “Why do we degrade women in thinking that their only influence and power comes from holding what is perceived to be a structural or hierarchical construct?” Are we only then reinforcing the stigma and widespread belief in our modern world that a woman only possesses power when they hold some sort of title?

If we look at the course of history, there have been many influential, powerful women in the world, especially within the Catholic Church. For example, look at the prior pontificate of Pope John Paul II. During the time of his pontificate, while he was indeed a very visible figurehead of the Church, there were many who would argue that the face of Catholicism did not rest on the Pope, but rather an Algerian nun working in the slums of India. 

The woman I am referring to, is of course, Mother Teresa. Besides winning the Noble Peace Prize, and speaking at various conferences and groups such as the U.N. – Blessed Mother Teresa was revolutionizing the face of Catholicism to the world by feeding and helping the most vulnerable of society. Where was her title? Where was her office? Was she even a priest or the pope? No. Yet she possessed tremendous power and influence over the entire world.

Her empowerment came from something more than an office or being part of ordained ministry. Her empowerment came from someone - God, whose face she showed daily to the people she loved and cared for. This is where true empowerment begins. A man can hold whatever titles he want – be it “Father,” “Bishop” and even the “Pope.” Yet he would not have any true power and influence if he did not reflect the love of God for others in his life.

I can provide other examples of Catholic history where women have played instrumental, powerful roles that are often remembered more so than the men who have held ecclesiastical power. Other examples include Teresa of Avila who set the world aflame with her reformation of religious life, Terese of Leseiux who was a cloistered nun who practiced the simple way of “love,” to even Joan of Arc who garnered and enthused an entire nation to fight for their freedom. The Church honors and celebrates these women as “saints” and some as “doctors of the Church.”

Be careful on what you read as well as “Pope Joan” is not an accurate account of Catholic history. There are many who try to discredit the Catholic Church by presenting it as a hierarchical structure that oppresses people who do not fit within their schema. Be wary of these sources… the truth is at times harder and not as “sensational” to accept than falsity – so the media presents things according to what they want to see.

Another problematic area in this article is the false dichotomy between doing charitable works and following a doctrinal teaching of the church. Works of charity and love do not limit belief. Rather it is authentic belief that inspires one to works of charity. Yes, it is true that the “visible face” of those who hold ecclesiastical offices are not often seen “in the trenches” or “getting their hands dirty” with the poor in Africa, etc. I agree that it would be good to do more – as there is always room for growth and conversion. However, to say that a woman is more knowledgeable, would bring more attention to, and more likely to carry out such activities over men, reflects a certain sexism that is a form of discrimination. There are many men, clergy included, who are carrying out charitable work for the poor.

Same thing with the abortion issue presented in the opinion article. Sometimes what is needed in a situation is not someone who has necessarily experienced the same situations as the other, but one who can objectively look at the situation and offer a solution independent of one’s personal experience. This might seem cold and harsh at first, but the two do not have to be separate. A person can objectively look at a situation and still be compassionate. 

For example, why do people seek out the advice of doctors for their illnesses? Does it mean that I only go to a doctor if I know the doctor has experienced the same illness? Do cancer patients only go for treatment to a doctor who has had cancer herself? No. They go to a doctor because she is specialized in treating whatever illness it is, independent of whether she has had it or not. The argument that women would bring awareness to issues that only a woman can, is false. Once again this actually promotes a sexist view of women. What is needed - is more men who are able to embrace and see the side of women in a compassionate, understanding way, yet also be able to objectively analyze the situation for what it is.

One day very soon God willing I will be a priest of the Catholic Church. I hope never to degrade or limit the role of women, but truly recognize their import within the church and within the world. The only way that we can bring about true empowerment and the betterment of society is when we recognize the proper roles of our particular calling whether one be a man or a woman. 

Confusion erupts when we are seeking a false “equality” that in the end destroys who we are in the very core of our beings (our ontology). Promoting and celebrating who we are and our strengths in being a “man” and being a “woman” and the roles proper to it, is where true harmony lies. This does not degrade who we are as “women” and “men,” but follows in harmony and nature to the way God intended it to be. It will not come about by confusing, switching, or neutering our particular roles in who we are as our particular sex. Thank you once again for your thought provoking article."